So I sat down to write something awe-inspiring this week for #shamefreesaturday and I drew a blank. I started to write something and I was two thirds of the way through it and I thought to myself, “You have no idea what you are talking about.” Has that ever happened to you? You are absolutely certain you have the perfect thing to say, but then you realize that you have put your foot in your mouth. Or you end up pretending you have a clue about something that in fact you have zero experience with. I am guilty of this. I crave acceptance! I have to have it. It is my drug of choice so to speak. I want to be liked. I need to be liked. While this desire still rages inside me daily, I have gotten much better control over this bad habit. It didn’t happen overnight, it didn’t happen over months, it has taken YEARS to calm that craving.
Something that I have said, well more like whined about, when discussing this topic with my best friend is: “I just want to be the prom queen!” We all remember those feelings from high school to be the most liked person. However, I was just a student. I wasn’t special in anyway in high school. Except maybe to my closest friends. They made me feel like I was funny and just accepted. That my friends is ALL you need. You don’t have to have everyone’s acceptance. We just find the people that “get” us and hold on as tightly as possible. Life happens and those people are the ones that don’t care if it’s been a day, a week or months since you have seen each other. Every conversation is like picking up where you left off.
Often in the race to be the Prom Queen of our own lives we forget that acceptance isn’t about quantity, but about quality. Surround yourself with the people who will love you no matter if you have 5 dollars or no dollars, gained weight or lost weight, throughout your psychotically emotional pregnancy and every other relationship. And most importantly, when we can’t seem to love ourselves, make sure you are surrounded by those ride or die people. Those are our people! However many or few, they are your support.
Support is such a crucial thing when you have experienced something as traumatic as sexual assault or abuse, or ANY violation that is not ok with YOU. Hold on to those people, don’t push them away. They won’t judge you. They are the people that have CHOSEN to be a part of your life. The family you have chosen too. Lean on them in any type of crisis. That is what they are there for. To tell you you are beautiful when your ugly crying, to answer your call after a bad dream, to call you out when you are being ridiculously stubborn. They will push you to find help when you need it.
#shamefreesaturday is about remembering to cut yourself some slack. And learning to feel the love from your people when you don’t even feel it from yourself. So go ahead and adjust that tiara because you may not be the world’s Prom Queen, but you are the Prom Queen of your own life!!
Ashley Davis RN, BSN
Support Supervisor at Wings to H.O.P.E.